I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
