3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize