You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
