another moral hangover. fuck.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
