a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
