please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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