you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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