I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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