Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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