the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
