Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
