You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
