I must be too annoying 4 u.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
