I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize