FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
