Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
