I should be sponsored by Trojan
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
