Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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