The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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