we have officially mastered the walk of shame
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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