never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize