I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
