Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
do herpes really smell.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
