Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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