I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
