She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
