Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
