Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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