Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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