Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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