She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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