I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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