He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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