Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
