I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
