I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
