Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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