why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
