we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I stole a fireplace last night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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