You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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