Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
