omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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