lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
