dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
