a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
