you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
When are your genitals available?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
