This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
