Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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