My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
