who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Randomize
