we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I am naked and annoyed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
