so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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