She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
