Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
