I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
