Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
