I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize