i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
