He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
