we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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