I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
