how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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