____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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