I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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