well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
