will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
