I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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