What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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